Community moves on after multiple tragedies on Home Services

Jan

Community moves on after multiple tragedies

posted by admin in Window Cleaning

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The For Sale sign is out in front of Deanne Teka’s house. It’s on the hill just above Putaruru College, where daughter Alex, 12, was due to start third form last year. She was found dead in the backyard the day before school started. Alex’s death on February 8 followed that of her best friend’s brother, 20, who was found dead in October 2005. Adding to Putaruru’s tragic burden, two of the town’s schoolboys were found dead last year, a 15-year-old in January and a 13-year-old in March. Reeling with hurt, and uncomfortable in the glare of the media spotlight, the school and the town turned inwards. But some 18 months on, the focus is on rallying the community, and finding ways of moving forward. Deaane Teka is also moving on. “I’m selling and I’m leaving,” says Teka. “It’s part of the process.” She is moving to Australia with a new partner. “I had an offer on my home at the beginning of the year, and it was a nice offer. “I went into Alex’s room and took things off the shelf and wall, and then I realised I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready. “I had cleaned the windows in her room, but I hadn’t moved anything since the accident. I go in (her room) and lie on her bed, and I listen to tapes she recorded of her singing.” Now it is time to go. She has been surprised to find a new love, born of grief, with a father who lost his child in similar circumstances. She misses Alex, and the fact her youngest child took her own life haunts her. “It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing when I go to bed. It jumps into my head all day long,” says Teka, who is the head teacher at a Matamata kindergarten. “It will probably always be on my mind.” Mother and daughter were “best friends” who communicated well. Alex was a good singer, a representative netball player, a confident go-getter who did well at everything she did, and who loved fashion. “Alex and I communicated about everything. Our relationship was the envy of all her friends,” says Teka. She speaks concisely, trying to explain her feelings, strength in her voice. But pain is etched in the lines of her face, the way she pulls her hand through her shoulder-length brown hair. Her four cats are a comfort, lounging around the house, including Alex’s, Rusty, an orange and white cat that loves to be scratched behind the ears. When asked how her other children, Alex’s brother Daniel, 20, and sister Aana, 18, are doing, Teka needs a moment to grab a tissue and compose herself. They are now both at Waikato University, doing very well in their studies. “They have had a lot to cope with,” says Teka. Their little sister will never become a teenager. The death was a result of text bullying from other students, Teka has no doubts about that. Alex left five letters for her family and her best friend, nailed to the tree in the backyard. “She had discussed it openly with me,” says Teka. The night before she died, Alex also talked to her mother about death, including where she wanted to be buried and how she wanted her funeral, but there were no alarm bells. The talk was in context - Teka’s cousin had been buried earlier in the week and the family had talked about death a lot. “That’s another issue, you are not supposed to talk about it,” says Teka. “It is important to speak out. I think we could educate people who are feeling inclined, about where to go and what to do. They have to talk about it. “Alex did not talk about it. She really thought it was a means to an end. We don’t know what was going on in her head, but everything would indicate that, in her head, she had no choice.” Alex was found by her best friend, whose mother performed CPR on Alex, but with no oxygen to the brain for 50 minutes, there was substantial brain damage. The air ambulance took Alex and her mother to Waikato Hospital. “We sat with her through the night, and at five in the morning, she took her last breath,” says Teka. Eighteen months later, life without Alex still feels unbelievable. “It’s the sort of thing you think, nah, it’s never going to happen to me, like being robbed, or raped, or having a car accident. You never think it’s going to happen to you,” says Teka. “I also don’t think people in Alex’s age group grasp the fragility of it all. Alex was 12 and that is very rare.” She hopes that by talking about it, young people will be more aware of these kind of feelings and the consequence, and seek help. “A child should tell an adult,” says Teka. “And the adult should take it seriously.” Since the tragedies of 2006, the people of Putaruru have been looking for solutions, and support for youth and families in their community. A not-for-profit organisation, Putaruru Youth Matters (Pym), was set up about 15 months ago, to look at issues affecting the well-being of young people in town, from leisure activities to support services. It employed a researcher, Anne O’Connell, funded by Pinnacle/Waikato District Health Board, to survey well-being in Putaruru, with a focus on youth services. The report, Growing Wellbeing, released in April, found there were about 130 organisations working with youth in the community, but also highlighted gaps and opportunities for action. “There are gaps with educational groups, and social and leisure gaps,” says Pam Carter of Pym. There is a need for youth counselling and youth workers, and even for basics like transportation, with no bus service within the town, or regular local loops connecting to nearby Tirau or Tokoroa. “We all feel strongly it is a great place to be,” says Howard Goold, also of Pym. “But we are isolated because of the transport factor.” Pym is looking at setting up a bus loop to Tokoroa, 20 minutes drive south, where there are leisure options Putaruru lacks - such as a heated swimming pool, movie theatre and fast food restaurants. They are also hoping to get funding for a local youth worker. There may be a web-based health information service for youth, at a centralised computer kiosk. There are also thoughts of having a roving nurse or doctor, travelling between small South Waikato towns, giving youth an alternative medical professional to go to for advice about sexually transmitted diseases and other issues. “Sometimes kids don’t want to talk to doctors in town, because they don’t want to be going to the same doctors as their parents,” says Goold. The focus on improving the lives of young people in Putaruru is just one way the town is dealing with the tragedies. “Putaruru got a lot of bad press,” says Goold. “Now we are wanting to look at the positive. We all went through this grief last year, and it is good to have something positive.” The focus is not just on youth, but also on positive parenting. Goold’s wife Jill is one of the organisers behind a major rallying event for Putaruru, on next Thursday night. Comedian Pio Terei and John Cowan are presenting No Sweat Parenting, a fun and informative evening for parents. It’s from Parents Inc, an Auckland-based company specialising in practical parenting solutions. “There are people out there in the community really concerned with children and what’s going on,” says Jill Goold, who, like her husband, is a local evangelical church pastor. Child abuse issues have touched the South Waikato, “especially with Nia Glassie and Tokoroa”, says Jill Goold. Thousands of dollars have been raised from individuals, local businesses and groups such as Rotary and Lions to cover the cost of the event. Putaruru churches will provide a supper at intermission, and businesses have put up signs all over town. There is a giant orange billboard up between Tokoroa and Putaruru, encouraging parents along. Police, local firefighters and the college are behind the event. “We hear all the bad news, but there are so many people trying to help in the community and doing an event like this really shows, this is something really positive that the community can be part of,” says Jill Goold. “This is the first time anyone has done anything like this in Putaruru.” She says Putaruru is a compassionate, caring town, where people look after one another in a crisis, and grief hits a small town much harder than a large city. “If it was in Auckland, I don’t think it would have such an impact as it does here,” says Goold. She is hoping the parenting event will have a big impact too. It is open to all parents and people are coming from as far away as the Mamakus. They expect about 500 at the event. Goold says, however, there is no link between parenting and youth suicide. “We can be very good parents, and can encourage people to be good parents, but it doesn’t mean things can’t go wrong.” It’s been a rough 18 months for Putaruru College. On a grey windy Tuesday afternoon, it seems like business as usual. The 3.15pm bell rings, signalling home time, students rush out, but deputy principal Alan Newall is busy with several kept back for detention. A friendly man with a cheerful grin, Newall has been deputy principal for the past 5%26frac12; years. Former principal Karen Douglas has left for personal reasons, and new principal Allan Rumble is at the helm. They are forging ahead, trying to put the past behind them. There is no mention of the deaths, or Alex Teka, on the school website. “We don’t want to dwell on last year, but the community has come together well,” says Newall. “There is support for youth, not just inside the school, but outside.” When pressed, he admits the deaths rocked the school. “We were fragile about what was going to happen next. It can happen in any community. We dealt with each incident as it happened, and support was provided. The worst thing about it was the publicity and the media.” They were supported by an Education Ministry trauma team. The school merged 3%26frac12; years ago when the intermediate and high school became one, and now has more than 500 students on its roll, from Year Seven to Year 13. The roll consists of about half “townies” and half from the surrounding farming district and small towns, such as Tirau, Te Waotu and Lichfield. The school has a lot of exciting things going on - an old block of the school is being modernised and renovated, the art rooms have been done up and the technology workshops are next on the agenda. The under-16 rugby team is doing well. The school Shakespeare group won a local competition and went to Wellington recently. Newall is also on the committee with Jill Goold and local mother Heather Schick, spearheading the No Sweat Parenting evening next Thursday. “It must have a positive effect (for Putaruru),” says Newall. “There is interest and support for it, and the moral and financial support we’ve got from businesses and the community is a good thing. It’s going to be a fun, entertaining and informative night.” * No Sweat Parenting is on Sept 6, at The Plaza, Kensington St, Putaruru, from 7.30pm (about 2 1/2 hours). Gold coin donation. For more information phone Jill Goold on 07 883 8758.